What is Sex?
Sex is the activity in which a male & female join their sexual organs in order to create babies, or for pleasure (Ref. Longman Dictionary).
Sex is far from what many people think. It goes beyond pulling off your cloths and putting it back like you see around or probably experienced. It involves, and attracts and necessitates a lot of things both imaginable and unimaginable.
Sex came into existence when the world and human race came to be. God rather than engage in the strenuous job of creation from time to time each time the animals die devised a means to enable the animals reproduce themselves. He made every animal in such a special way with the necessary “tools” that would enable them to reproduce their kinds easily as they grow older. So when the created first man and woman he did not change the concept simply because He needed them to reproduce their kinds more than any of the other animal for we mean far much to him, that’s why he specifically said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply so the concept of sex is for a specific purpose, and that is to reproduce one’s own kind. That is for procreation or to make babies. Unfortunately, adults and young ones don’t even know this or that is they find it difficult to understand that the sex concept is originally only for procreation. ‘Sex’ is not meant for fun or pleasure, it is meant for a responsibility.
Animals that have very little thinking capacity know what sex is really meant for if not on the grounds of reproduction sex indeed does not worth the price people gave it, since it has negative effects such as mentally, psychologically, spiritually, physically and emotionally.
Is Sex for fun?
The answer is NO because younger ones have single handedly destroyed their lives all in a bid of trying to get the fun.
What is fun? One may like to ask – it is something you do and enjoy without any negative consequences. Fun is something you do and afterwards you feel good about it. But illicit sex is the very opposite of such. There is really nothing enjoyable about it neither do you feel good after you do it. The consequences of illicit sex or premarital sex are worse than using a sledge hammer to hit one’s head or using a knife to slice your flesh.
Sex is only fun when you see it as the responsibility it truly is and you do it in accordance and obedience of its original purpose. The rule is get maimed properly.
Is Sex Evil?
Sex is not evil. It is what you do with sex that makes it evil. It is a responsibility, and could bless or curse irrespective of who you are.
Two kinds of Sex.
- Marital: Licit, responsible, within the confines of marriage and obedience to the law.
- Pre-marital: Illicit, irresponsible, outside marriage, disobedience to the law. It is a violation of the divine concept i.e. violation of the laws that keep you alive as an individual.
There is a price to pay (Consequences)
The moment you start having illicit sex, you start paying dearly, and you can continue to pay the huge price throughout your lifetime. These include:
- Spiritual Consequences (breakdown of your spirit): The moment the body subjects the spirit to conform to the act of illicit sex, your spirit suffers a great deal for it.
- Mental Consequences – Dullness: Sex is the number one enemy of the brain. The moment you start having sex, your brain begin to ‘sink’ gradually and sleep dangerously especially as a young fellow. Brain is one thing one needs to be highly functional at this very stage of your existence as a human being. The more you get into sex the duller you become.
- Psychological Consequences: The loss of self-esteem. Pre-marital sex kills the self-esteem of an individual. What is Self-esteem? The feeling that you are someone who deserved to be liked, respected and admired. Some girls are giving incentives, for this reason they don’t care how disgusting, debasing and dehumanizing pre-marital sex is. This is a result of the fact that they have lost their self-esteem. They don’t think with any form of self-worth or value.
- The feeling of regrets: You encourage yourself with “it doesn’t really matter, after all everybody is doing it, I did it because of love, so, so, so…….” Don’t fool yourself.
- Addictive & Habit forming: It is the most addictive hard drug ever known to man. It is killing you but you can’t help having it again and again. Young men and boys who should be thinking of how to build their lives and fulfill their purpose on earth, are hustling around looking for girlfriends and babes in a bid to have illicit sex. Young girls who should be thinking of how they can make their difference in this so-called man’s world are doing everything possible to attract guys to come and mess their destiny with illicit sex.
Is there anything like safe sex?
There is absolutely nothing like safe sex or protected sex. There are only two types of sex – marital and pre-marital or illicit. One is safe and the other unsafe. Illicit sex absolutely unsafe and the only way you can escape its dangers, is to run from it or fight it, i.e. don’t do it, avoid it by all means.
Play safe with condoms – Truly speaking, it can’t protect you from the dangers of sex, where does it want to start protecting you from? Can it protect your self-esteem from dropping? Can it protect your brain from getting sick? Can it protect your spirit form breaking down? Can it protect you from being trapped in sex addiction? To mention from a few.
On the physical aspect can it protect you from catching HIV or any of the viral diseases? It doesn’t even protect you from pregnancy.
This is about right and wrong.
It deals with the principles of what is right or wrong behaviour, and with the difference between good and evil.
It is the principles or standards of good behaviour especially in matters of sex.
Always learn to say NO Sex must wait till marriage.
Do not poison your soul with sexual sin.
Do not destroy your beauty sexually.
Do not masturbate willful for it is self-abuse and indecency.
Do not disturb your spiritual life.
It makes one to be flamed with impure passion.
It makes one to be worn & look aged.
It makes him to be lean and look unhealthy.
It causes sterility/ impotency.
Pre-marital sex is joy against life – wickedness.
It is joy against human dignity – foolishness.
It makes man a pig – dirtiness and should be avoided.
It destroys body and soul – devilish
Do not swim in the sexual pool of impurity which leads to the swimming of the pool of hellish lake fire – J.A. BON FAMILY DIVINE BIOLOGY.
The only sex that is good for you is the legal one for it is free from fear, shame, disease and sin. It is sensible.
LIFE AT PUBERTY
Sexuality Education presented to the learners of Royal College, Ibadan (R.C.I) by Mrs. Udume, Patricia Nkechi.
Puberty is the stage of the lifespan in which a child develops secondary sex characteristics i.e. the internal organs of reproduction are prepared for their reproductive function. The organs reach maturity. It is menarche which marks the beginning of the child bearing period. This include physical and physiological changes.
Males/ Boys (Physical changes)
- Occur between 10 and 14 years of age. It is less dramatic than in females.
- Deepening voice and growth of body hair on the face, axillae and genitalia.
- Spermatogenesis occurs in second year after onset: increased activity of sweat glands, with period erections and emissions of mature sperm.
- Dramatic body growth spurt.
- Ejaculation is beginning of fertility and end of puberty.
- Occur between 9 and 17 years of age.
- First sign of puberty is an acceleration of body growth.
- The larches: Breast pudding
- Adrenarche: growth of public and axillary hair.
- Menarche: onset of menses: a late pubertal event, occurring after peak of growth has passed ovaries produce estrogen.
- For the first year menstrual cycle are often ovulatory and irregular.
- Psychological Changes
- Maturational changes according to age.
- Heterosexual interests; girls earlier than boys, girls interested in older boys.
- Emancipation struggles with parents; independence versus dependence.
- Need for belonging to peer group.
The physical changes occur as a result of hormonal balance which shifts strongly towards an adult state. This is triggered by the pituitary gland, which secretes a surge of hormones into the blood stream and begins the rapid maturation of the gonads: the girl’s ovaries and the boy’s testicles.
Life at this stage is a trying period for both boys and girls in matters concerning male and female sexual inter relation.
Steinberg (1996) is of the opinion that the boundaries of adolescence are: biological which begins with puberty and ends with the ability to sexually reproduce; emotional which begins with detachment from parents and ends with attainment of separate sense of identity; the cognitive boundary which begins with the emergence of advanced reasoning abilities and ends with the consolidation of these interpersonally. At this stage, adolescence begins with the shift of interest from parents to peers and ends with the development of a capacity for intimacy with peers.
Emotional and Social Changes in Adolescence.
Due to the dramatic psychological changes experienced by the adolescent, he is very self – conscious and sensitive at this stage. There’s attraction for opposite sex; experiences the feelings of love and independence. This because she/ he who feels he is no longer a child but an adult. There is also a sense of frustration when his/ her sense of achievement is thwarted. There is also emotional conflict between the adolescent and her parents. This is as a result of what is called “penetration – gap” syndrome. Adolescents feel that adults are obsolete and rigid in their views while parents still hold the view that they are immature adults.
Parents should be less rigid and a reasonable amount of liberty coupled with a lot of guidance will make them have a hitch – free adolescence experience.
The desire to look like your age mates is there since they are not only in the same age range but also share the same views, ideas, philosophy, mode of dressing and experience the same emotional reactions.
Another name for adolescents is “Peer Group”. There are the individuals with certain common feature such as age, size, sex, class, interest, habit, attitude and beliefs. Adolescents think they are inevitable and necessary since they look up to them for approval and support (Zrinrin, 1996). They mount pressures on the youngster as they influences them in so many ways. Atwater (1998) in GCE 403 Psychology of Nigerian Adolescent (2004) describes peer pressure as the influences and pressures adolescents feel from peers or peer group. This is very typical of adolescence and is only restricted to this group. “Peer group” syndrome is in other words calls “youth culture”. At this stage, adolescents learn etiquette like dating, going to parties and the like and are fashion conscious. When they run into conflict with their parents they seek protection from the peer group.
The other behavioural patterns manifested by adolescents include uniformism, experimentation and intellectualism. At this stage, there should be a lot of guidance since the type of peer influence may determine or become a useful member of the society.
Some youths engage in taking drugs, robbery or nay other socially deviant behaviour due to peer influence.
Having known these, how would you channel your lives as Christians (Children of God bought by Christ costly blood) so as to retain your virginity, maintain your beauty, gain your education through which you are trained and get developed the talents ‘God Almighty’ endowed in you!
It is important therefore to note that at this stage, young ones talk more about love, loving and being loved. This most times leads them into wrong hands, wrong thinking and wrong actions. This is the reason why you need to ask and get your answers as far as sex is concerned. Don’t feel embarrassed or funny. If you lack confidence in your parents, go to your doctor, a school nurse, a teacher who is upright and morally sound, a school counselor, or another adult you feel comfortable talking with.
Life at this stage of life
Girls notice that they are really feminine therefore the tendency to feel recognized and loved is there.
Take time to bath because there is a new smell under your arms and elsewhere on your bodies, it’s not a pretty one. It is called body odor, and everyone gets it. This is because the hormones affects glands in your skin and the glands make chemicals that smell bad. These chemicals put the scent in adolescent. To feel less stinky, you must shower morning and night and also the use of deodorant with anti perspirant every day. (Do not use antiseptic soap).
You will also notice and feel a white, mucous – like discharge from the vagina. There is nothing wrong with you – it is just another sign of your changing body and hormones. In this case, you need to wash your pants every day to avoid stench.
Always shave your armpit hair and when taking your shower, scrub hard the armpit so as to avoid the accumulation of dirty.
Wash your clothes, cut your finger and toe nails. Cut your hair short or plait it and maintain a good looking hair cut or hairstyle.
At the time menstrual flow, you must use pad (Always) you change and take your shower three times a day. Wrap the used pad very well and dispose into the dustbin. Use tight fitting sanitary pants for that.
Do not allow any boy or man to touch your breast, or carry you i.e. sitting on him. Do not answer any boy or man in secret.
Choose a girl or girls from good family or families as your friends as bad friends corrupt you.
Do not allow any man or boy to talk you into sex for there are dangers of premarital sex which includes:
- Your beauty is destroyed: the blood is troubled and maturation functions of your body and this affects the natural freshness of your skin and complexion which then makes it to be changing and be growing unsightly, fading ugly.
- It causes bad development of breast.
- It causes abnormal fatness.
- It causes unwanted pregnancy/ premature mother/ bastard.
- May lead to abortion which may terminate your life & destroy the womb.
- You may dropout from school.
- May lead you into prostitution.
- It disturbs your spiritual life.
- It terminates your career in life.
- It exposes you to dangerous diseases – viral diseases such as Gonorrhea, Syphilis, HIV/ AIDS.
- It causes barrenness.
- It disturbs your chance of getting a good husband.
- It makes you lose your respect and virginity.
- You become a second hand lady or fairly used lady.
- It makes you feel emotionally and psychological imbalanced.
In short, there is no sexual satisfaction for unmarried girl/ lady. It is an illicit act, shameful and sinful act.
What makes you a decent girl or young lady?
- Purity of body.
- Purity of heart (holiness). Keeping and obeying the precepts of the Lord.
- Freedom from drugs – avoid drunkenness and drug abuse of any kind.
Sexual harassment is bullying: As you grow older, you may be victimized by others in many different ways. It is one of the ways and particularly during and after puberty.
Sexual harassment similar to bullying involves someone using their personal power to hurt another person on purpose. It is an unwanted, persistent conducts of sexual nature expressed by works, looks and/ or actions which offend and distress the person/ persons it is aimed at.
This is mostly seen when you say no to sex. Then they use knowledge about your person’s sensitivity about sexual issues to embarrass you or even make you afraid.
Forms of sexual harassment
- Making sexual jokes, looks or movements.
- Brushing up against someone in a sexual way.
- Spreading sexual rumors about someone (blackmail).
- Showing, giving or leaving someone sexual pictures, photographs, messages or notes.
- Writing sexual messages or graffiti about someone.
- Calling names such as “fag”, “dyke” or “queer”.
- Flashing or “mooning” someone.
- Making comments about or rating the parts of someone’s body
Who can harass who?
The victims of sexual harassment are usually women, although men may also be victims.
A woman can harass a man.
A boss can harass his/ her staff.
A lecturer can harass his/ her student.
Common sites for sexual harassment
It can occur anywhere; at work, in school, in churches, on the road, etc.
The Consequences of Sex
What is Sex?
The thought of sex must have been flashing your mind several times. For some people there is no big deal about it but in actual sense there is more than a big deal about it.
The world is complicated, saturated with lies and half-truths which may lead one to destruction.
Teenagers really need to be exposed to truth that will help them in every stage of their life. Even adults are seriously involved it without knowing what it is all about.
Sex actually goes beyond pulling off and putting ones clothes back. It involves, attracts and necessitates a lot of things, both imaginable and unimaginable.
Sex started when this world including the human race existence. To avoid strenuous job of creation from time to time each time the animal die, God came up with the idea of animals reproducing themselves. So He made each animals in such a special way, with the necessary “tools” that would enable them to reproduce their kinds easily along the line as they grow older in life. So, when He created the first man and woman, He had no need of changing the concept because He even needed them to produce their kinds more than any of the other animals because humans mean far much to him, that’s why He specifically said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply”. So, the concept of sex is for procreation.
Is Sex for Fun?
What is Fun? Fun is something you do and enjoy without any negative consequences. It is something you do, and afterwards you feel good about it. But the illicit sex is the very opposite of such. It not enjoyable and it has its negative consequences which are uncountable.
The original platform of sex is to procreate so you need not pretend that sex is for fun. Sex is therefore a responsibility, and the only way you can find fun in it is when you obey the rules which is getting married properly. It is worse than foolish to start having sex when you are not married.
Is Sex Evil?
Sex is not evil but what you do with it is what makes it evil. Sex is a responsibility and could bless or curse irrespective of who you are.
There are two types of sex: – Marital which is licit and pre-marital which is illicit.
- Licit or marital sex: is the one you have within the confines of marriage. It is in obedience of Divine Concept.
Marital sex is a symbol of a loving commitment of exclusiveness, faithfulness and permanency.
Exclusiveness – love one another.
Faithfulness – offer to love one another without fear or rejection.
Permanency – continuity, reliability and predictability.
The uniqueness of the genital union consists in the mental promise – I take you for better for worse until death. It is called the love – pledged. So sexual intercourse is therefore an act which testifies to a couple’s mutual and self-giving that does not hesitate to assume an unconditional responsibility for each other.
- Illicit or pre-marital sex: is the violation of divine concept i.e. violation of the laws that keep you alive as an individual. It is the worst hedonistic pursuit and an instant and temporary bonding with no lasting or enduring meaning. It encourages casual sex, but discourages the high potential of sexual intercourse.
There are many consequences of sex especially the illicit one.
- Spiritual consequences
- Mental consequences
- Psychological consequences.
- Spiritual consequences: Breakdown of the spirit. Illicit sex is the number one breaker of the spirit of an individual. When the spirit is down the body suffers for it.
- Mental Consequences
- Dullness: Sex is the number one enemy of the brain. The moment you start having sex your brain to sink gradually and sleep dangerously. The person becomes dull. The more you get involved in illicit sex, especially as a young person, the duller you become. Dullness is a mental consequence of sex. You can’t escape it once you start having sex when you still need your brain to work effectively and productively for you.
- Psychological Consequences
- The loss of self-esteem: Nothing kills the self-esteem of an individual like pre-marital sex especially as a young person. One’s self-esteem begins to drop once you start having illicit sex. Pre-marital sex is very disgusting, debasing and dehumanizing. No self-worth or value.
- The feeling of regrets: One’s entire system will be filled with guilt because they know the havoc you have just done to them. You don’t feel good after the act of illicit sex. It’s always very shameful.
- Addictive & Habit forming: Once you start illicit sex, before you know it you hooked to it.
Is there any gain in avoiding premature and pre-marital sex?
The gain is wonderful. It makes you to have self-control and live a decent life, respectable life, holy life etc. it makes one (man) to know himself and preserve his dignity.
- You will have a strong faith in God and self-control. This makes a man to control his sexual desires.
- Helps him to be free from gluttony.
- Helps him against provocation.
- Helps him behave humbly.
- Makes him to do things temperately.
- Makes him to behave wisely.
- Makes him a master of his body.
- Helps him to do things at a sensible time.
- Helps him to be free from sexual abuse, drug abuse, reckless driving, impatience, fighting.
- Helps him to love and fear God.
- You will always be healthy and look healthy and you will not floor your dignity and your handsomeness and complexion will shine out.
- Sexual problems will not occur to you or distract you from your excellent performance in education and successful endeavours.
- You will have respect among your colleagues and friends.
- If you grow up with it, your business will be good and you will have a happy family.
- You will not ruin the life of any girl and will not be guilty of abortion.
- You will not be punished with dreadful diseases.
- You will not marry through sin e.g. through unwanted pregnancy.
- If you will be a priest, it will help you to be a holy and pure one.
FOR GIRLS – Gains of avoiding pre-mature and pre-marital sex: The gains of avoiding these are precious especially the happiness of being a child of God who fills one with the grace of purity and other virtues.
- Boys/ men admires you for marriage because it shows you are a devout and virtuous lady.
- You will have strong faith and love of God/ self – control.
- You will not disturb the functions of your body with sex until full maturity and this makes you to have a healthy growth and a durable beauty.
- You will not be called an old maid or a flirt or a clog.
- You will not lose the sign of your virginity till marriage.
- You will not lose your natural beauty which God has given you.
- Your breast will develop naturally and naturally.
- People will be rushing to marry you because of good moral behaviour.
- For those who choose Reverend Sisters this habit will help you to be a pure and to keep your vow of chastity.
- You will regret nothing in your maturity and will not be a victim of unwanted pregnancy or guilty of abortion.
- You will not poison your eggs with contraceptive drugs or pills or diseases.
- You will not be a mother of a bastard.
- You will always have a good health and will be growing more beautiful and healthier.
- Your education will be excellent.
- Respect among all people and your friends.
- Our God will love you and you will be his child because he loves purity and chastity.
- Your parents will be proud of you. You will enter into married life peacefully and will have a happy family.
- You will not be a prostitute or habit or a street girl.
There is time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3). Do the best we can while we are still alive Ecclesiastes 3:12.
I know that everything God does will last forever. You can’t add anything to it or take anything away from it. Ecclesiastes 3:14.
Advice to young People
Young people enjoy your youth. Be happy while you are still young. Do what you want to do, and follow your heart’s desire. But remember that God is going to judge you for whatever you do.
Don’t let anything worry you or cause you pain. You aren’t going to be young very long. Ecclesiastes 11: 9-10.
The Philosopher said, “After all this, there is only one thing to say; have reverence for God, and obey his commands, because this is all that humans beings were created for. God is going to judge everything we do, whether good or bad, even things done in secret.
Sin is the lack of moral and spiritual conformity to the will of God. It is this internal failure to conform to the will of God that produces external transgression or violation of the law of God.